Lillyala's Journal

Summer 2005

Mon, 29 Aug 2005 03:57:15 GMT

Haven't updated in a while... here's what's been happening. I got the internship at RATIO, don't know if that was in here already or not. Worked there for two out of the three months and they offered me a full time (paid hourly) position, doing pretty much the same thing i was already doing. I took it and i'm still working there. I figure i'll work there for at least a year, maybe year and a halfish before either grad school or something else. I just don't think i'm cut out for the private sector. Too much stress. :-P

Anyway, still living with my parents. Apparently i'm too picky about where to live that i haven't found anything i like yet. I really have looked a lot though. Anyway, i got a new car... Shuga. Say good-bye to Charlotte. She was a good little car, if a bit unreiable there at the end. Shuga is a 2005 Aveo - 4 door, aqua. I love her.

No boy yet. Still lookin. Its hard to meet someone when you never go out on the weekends and spend your whole weeks at work. Also, with my friends being scattered around the country and off having babies and stuff, it gets hard to find someone to go out and hang with. Leslie assures me that she'll find me some hot IU grad students in her program to hook me up with though... ;)

That's about it i guess. It's been a long summer, but with all of the hours that i work it really has flown. Till next time (which may be quite a while...).

I'm graduated.

Mon, 09 May 2005 20:35:22 GMT

So graduation party friday, graduation saturday, a whole day packing yesterday, and a day's worth of moving today (in a nutshell).

Graduation was awesome. Pictures: http://photos.yahoo.com/flame476

Graduation party kicked ass.

Packing was boring.

Moving sucked. (like 80 degrees today.)

And now i have a whole summer living at home with my parents to look forward to.

Now, if only the pool was open...

Graduation Day

Sat, 07 May 2005 12:55:42 GMT

Today is graduation! four long years and i finally get a piece of paper saying that i know how to do stuff. man i'm gonna miss it around here when i leave. i start my internship on may 16, it's going to be weird and awesome all in one! ok, off to prepare for gettin graduated. (i just hope i don't fall off of the stage.)

tis the season to be on edge

Tue, 03 May 2005 17:23:58 GMT

well, one final down, 3 to go. but to be fair, it's only 2, one being a paper due in two hours. of the two remaining, one is tomorrow morning, 7:30am sharp, the second is on friday. then i'll actually have to be a big kid and find a big kid job. sucks. i'm never freakin growing up, with or without the degree. :-P

drunk people suck

Sun, 01 May 2005 07:42:22 GMT

so, my friend (shitfaced) started complaining about an ex she saw at the bar after i was kind enough to go pick their drunk asses up. she said something about him saying that he'd call her tomorrow. i happen to know the guy also. he hasn't called her in the past 3 weeks.
me: "i doubt he'll remember that"
her: "well he wasn't drunk"
me: "i don't care if he was drunk or not, i don't think he'll remember"
her: "well thanks"
me: "not trying to be mean, i'm just saying"
her: "well it was a pretty shitty thing to say"
me (to myself): wtf?? forgive me for giving an opinion. and i thought she was supposed to be over this anyway. why can't i just give a straight up answer for once without being bitched at by overly emotional/sensitive melanie who we think probably has a bipolar disorder anyway. it fuckin pisses me off. thank god i'm graduating and i don't have to deal with ungrateful drunk ass roommates who like to give me shit anymore. on the other hand, tom and alissa were very appreciative that i picked them up (it's cold outside).

wtf.

mood theme

Sun, 24 Apr 2005 00:40:00 GMT

I've also just realized that I think I'd like to create a Doctor Who mood theme. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

nervous wreck

Sun, 24 Apr 2005 00:19:51 GMT

End of the school year. Graduation is in 2 weeks, all of my papers being due at the end of next week. I wouldn't be so depressed about school ending, I think, if I'd been one of those go-getters who start their semester papers before the next to last week of classes. Good news is, one down, 3 to go (with one half finished). I'll be sad to move away from my wacky roommates, but all that matters now is the job finding. I have an interview with Ratio Architects on Tuesday morning. They want samples of my work. Let's hope I can get this job because it would be wonderful to make some money and get some experience.

I hate being in my stupid 20's. I'm 22 now. Dede (a roommate) says just wait for age 25. That's apparently when all of the drama hits, no matter who you are. She has a good theory, but I'm still a bit skeptical.

Just for a bit of fun, here's a list of my newest obsessions:
1. Doctor Who, which I have to download because of my Americanism (also I just made 2 icons for this :-D)
2. Overcompensating.com (wishing him luck that he doesn't die today)
3. Warren Ellis, though this has been going on for a few months now
4. Doodling (not sure why, just seemed fitting the last few days)

Ok, I suppose I should get back to life stuff now. Maybe now that my life might actually get more exciting post graduation (at least that's what I'm hoping), I'll update more and have more to say.

a little something about me

Sat, 23 Oct 2004 00:20:24 GMT

Stolen from facingthesun, and I thought it looked like fun. :) Here goes:

1. What's on your bedside table?
My bed is lofted, but i can tell you what's on my dresser: candels, figurines, pictures of family and friends, souvineer cups, a couple of stuffed toys, and all of my jewelery.

2. What's the geekiest part of your music collection?
I had some one hit onders, like semisonic and new radicals. But if we're talking truly geeky, I have a weird Al cd.

3. What do you eat when you raid your fridge at night?
Anything I can find, pudding, fruit, leftovers, etc.

4. What is your secret guaranteed weeping film?
I bawled during Titanic and City of Angels. This is why I don't watch them all the way through anymore. Also, anything tragic.

5. If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?
I would never have it done (a moral thing :P ) but in fantasy land I would get a boob job so that I can break away from the A-cup. :P

6. Do you have a completely irrational fear?
Being by myself late at night, anything to do with dark basements, and cornfields in general (post Signs).

7. What is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moments?
I think I just get quiet. But I'm usually quiet anyway, so it's probably hard to tell.

8. Do you ever have to beg?
Not usually, but there's no shame in begging. ;)

9. Do you have too many love interests?
Only in my head...

10. Do you know anyone famous?
If you consider people who could potentiall become famous, than perhaps.

11. Describe your bed.
It has green colored T-shirt sheets, a blue/green plaid comforter, and a pillow for my head plus one to keep my alarm clock from falling off. (loft, remember) Also it ususally has some quilt or another that my mom made on it.

12. Spontaneous or plan?
Always spontaneous. Plans are for wusses.

13. Who should play you in a movie about your life?
Lindsay Lohan. A cute redhead with freckles should be played by a cute redhead with freckles. So call me narcissistic ;).

14. Do you know how to play poker?
I think I've learned a few times, but currently I only know that a flush beats a straight.

15. What do you carry with you at all times?
My wallet, my phone, my keys, and a hair tie (just in case)

16. How do you drive?
Pretty well, but the window's usually down and the radio is always blaring.

17. What do you miss most about being little?
No freakin responsibilities. Can I go back to elem. or high school now? Pleeeeease?

18. Are you happy with your given name?
Not really. Jennifer is too incredibly plain. I make up original ones sometimes. (ex. Lillyala)

19. What color is your bedroom?
I'm in a rental house, so the walls must stay light blue, but they fit with my white painted furniture and my bedspread, etc.

20. What was the last song to which you were listening?
I couldn't tell you. About 10 songs will play in my head during the course of any day. I don't remember which were real and which were in my head.

21. Have you ever been in a school play?
No, but I wanted to be.

22. Have you ever been in love?
Do cute tatooed skateboarding boys in my imagination count? ;) (hey, he exists in real life too.)

23. Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?
I like myself just fine. I'm a little unsure of where my academic interests lie though.

24. Have you ever done any illegal drugs?
Nope. Barely even underage drank.

25. Do you think you're cute?
Of course. Now why can't other people figure it out? ;)

26. Do you consider yourself a nice person?
When I want to be. If I don't like you, you'll know it.

Still Alive

Wed, 29 Sep 2004 23:33:40 GMT

First off, hi. I realize that it's been just short of forever since I've updated, but what can I say, I'm easily distracted into doing other things. Now for the update.

Summer was pretty good, not sure if I've written that already. I miss the people I worked with, but I may be contacting them soon for information on a paper I have to write for my Center City Revitalization class. Go urban planning. Speaking of which, this semester (studio-wise) has been boring as hell. At least until the past two days that is. We couldn't get started on anything until after we attended the town meetings in Canfield, OH. Let me tell you, from Muncie, that is a long ass boring drive. Not to mention the part where 5 minutes away from our hotel my van got trapped on the interstate by a huge accident. There was also construction in the area, which meant that we had no choice but to wait on the accident to be cleared.. 4 hours later. But we occupied ourselves by cranking up the radio and having our own "interstate dance party." If you've ever wondered what an interstate dance party would be like, let me tell you, it's frickin hilarious. Especially at 4am. And I got it all on tape. ;) The rest of the trip was just a lot of driving which does not make for happy urban planning students. We were basically trapped in vans for 3 days straight. Or at least 2 1/2.

And on another note, guess what? facingthesun is going to write a story for me!!! I gave her an idea, and because I'm uncomfortable with my own writing (btw, the story I started will never be finished, I just don't have the motivation. I would rather feed people ideas) she agreed to write it for me. And I know she's going to do an awesome job because I'm addicted to a couple of her stories and always eagerly awaiting updates. :)

So that's about it, everything else would be far too boring to put in an entry. Maybe I'll try to make updates more often than 3+ months apart from now on. :-P

i know i know

Mon, 26 Jul 2004 05:13:41 GMT

and i'm not even gonna put anything relevant to my life right now (and let's face it, there's not really anything going on anyway). i just wanted to post a conversation i had. please ignore the lol's and haha's. it makes us sound 13, but who doesn't, huh? i just thought it was funny.

Entitled: Roommate nicknames

Flame476: 'boys will rue the day they messed with mel the malicious'
melmualaf: haha... and jen the... the...
melmualaf: i don't know
Flame476: lol
Flame476: s'alright
melmualaf: and jen the jaundiced?
melmualaf: i don't think that workse
melmualaf: *works
Flame476: you totally just went to dictionary.com didn't you
melmualaf: lol
melmualaf: yeah
Flame476: haha
Flame476: it's ok, you get points for effort;-)
melmualaf: i tried
melmualaf: i still can't find anything
melmualaf: j is hard!
Flame476: lol
Flame476: how about justifier
melmualaf: yeah!
melmualaf: good job
Flame476: see, free cell is way better for your thinking-ness than dictionaries
Flame476: or jouster, but that doesn't work
melmualaf: my guess was going to be jen the jabber;-)
melmualaf: lol
Flame476: or judicial
melmualaf: no... justifier was the best
Flame476: or janky
Flame476: hehe
melmualaf: jen the janky
melmualaf: haha
Flame476: hey, i'll jank you up
melmualaf: we could say jen the jankity-ass justifier
Flame476: lol
Flame476: i didn't think of anything else for mel
melmualaf: and dd the doornail
Flame476: aww
melmualaf: lol... that was dumb:-P
Flame476: dd the defender
melmualaf: oh yea!
melmualaf: that's totally her
Flame476: lol
melmualaf: i'm bad at making up names
Flame476: hehe
Flame476: alissa the ass kicker
Flame476: the assassinator
melmualaf: woah... that's what i was typing
Flame476: lol
melmualaf: the assassinator!
Flame476: alissa the avenger
melmualaf: you could be higgy the horrible:-P
Flame476: lol
Flame476: i like horrific better
Flame476: less hagar-ish
melmualaf: yeah
melmualaf: lol
melmualaf: hey... hagar is cool

yeah, that's about it. isn't that sad? this is my enjoyment this summer. :-P

maybe i will

Thu, 24 Jun 2004 04:22:52 GMT

Ok, I've got what I had hand written typed up, plus a little extra because it sort of ended abruptly. Now don't let my sloppy lj typing fool you, i actually think i have quite good grammar skills, even if i perhaps do need to invest in a thesaurus.

well, here's what i got... all 1,400 words so far. maybe like a ch. 1, i dunno yet if it will even continue. it doesn't even have a title yet.

Title TBA

Disclaimer: Characters c/o Joss Whedon and the wonderful writers of the Buffyverse. The plot idea is mine.
Setting: Roughly S4 with reference to and specific theme taken from “The Wish.”
Teaser: What happens when Buffy can’t handle it and invokes the essence of ‘Bad Ass Buffy’ from “The Wish?” How will Spike react? And will this new Buffy accept the Scoobies and Spike?

“Slayer, duck!”

Buffy dropped to a kneeling position just as the huge scaly paw of a Shrell’nell demon was launched in her direction. The backhand missed its mark, and she took advantage of the demon’s slight pause to sweep her leg out, catching the demon’s left ankle at just the right angle to send it snout first into a muddy puddle. Spike chose this moment to get back into the fray, now that the tables were turned (and also now that the world had finally ceased swimming. The result of a brain rattling blow received from the Shrell’nell.)

He jumped on the fallen demon’s back, making sure to keep its head submerged in the 3 inches of fresh rainwater. Buffy was instantly at his side, also atop the demon.

“How do we kill this thing again?” she asked.

Shifting his weight closer to the thrashing demon’s head, Spike replied, “One of two options. First, dismemberment. Nasty buggers, Shrell’nells. There’s only one order to dismember them in, and trust me when I say that you do have to dismember everything. If you don’t get the right pieces in the right order, they’ll never quick kicking.”

“Okay, what’s option number two?”

He looked down to their captive Shrell’nell who had mostly stopped thrashing. After a few more seconds, the demon’s movements subsided all together. “The second option, luv, and might I add the easier of the two, is drowning.”

Buffy managed to get in a quick eye roll as she leapt off of the demon and back onto dry ground. She eyed the new state of her clothing with disdain while trying in vain to brush some of the mud from her new tan halter and jeans. “Well,” she muttered, “at least I ruined my new outfit on the way home this time. More than I can say for most of my closet.”

“I don’t know, luv, I think you look quite ravishing all muddied up. Thou you would look a might better wearing the blood and gore of dismemberment. Maybe we should try that next time.”

“Next time?” Buffy asked with an incredulous look.

“Three more Shrell’nells coming up behind you” he said with a slight nod over her shoulder.

She turned, let out an exaggerated sigh and muttered, “Great. Bring on the blood and gore.”

********************************************

“All I’m saying, Slayer, is that you should’ve let me take on the big one.”

Buffy turned her attention to Spike as they stepped up to the porch and she reached for the doorknob. “I don’t need you whining about ‘taking on the big one’ just to keep your testosterone driven pride in tact. I’m the Slayer, Spike – ”

“Yeah, a slayer who was out cold for a solid three seconds tonight. Bloody hell, you’ve never fought a Shrell’nell before tonight, you should have let me lead in to the fight!”

After the grueling (and time consuming) fight, Buffy had decided to forego the urgently needed shower and instead stop by to inform Giles about tonight’s most recent fight. The Slayer barged right into the foyer with the vampire quick on her heels. Giles had overheard this last bit of conversation from the hallway and was approaching the front room, taking in the sight of the odorous and quite shabby looking pair. “A Shrell’nell you say?” Giles asked Spike, while handing over two towels he kept on a old wooden chair by the front door for just such encounters.

“Yes, a Shrell’nell, and the Slayer, here, has to go all gung ho for the largest of the set!” Spike shouted.

“Well I killed it didn’t I?” she launched back

“Well yeah, after I’d already finished off the other two and you had your first go at dismemberment, out of order I might add. If I hadn’t shouted to you the correct order you’d have been out of luck and probably dead in a matter of minutes!”

“Enough!” Giles yelled at the bickering pair, bringing and end to the escalating shouting match. Buffy looked a bit guilty at her behavior in front of Giles, but Spike kept up the glare at Buffy and the daggers he’d been shooting off in her direction. “Buffy, Shrell’nells are probably the most ruthless demons you’ve ever been up against thus far. They have few emotions, mostly limited to rage and calm, leaving no room for pride or vengeance. They are extremely adept in precision of moves and carefully calculated timing. They also have the strength of fifteen vampires within each one. I’m amazed that only the two of you were able to take down three at once – ”

“Plus a fourth right before that,” Spike added.

Giles’ eyes widened. “Four in a single evening? It’s almost unheard of. They barely even exist in this dimension. Amazing.” Giles muttered the final few words as he turned back in the direction of his books and his mind began to wander with this new information.

After a few short moments, and more hostile glances exchanged with Spike, Buffy said, “Well I still think I could have handled them on my own.” Turning to her former enemy she added, “Why do you always have to jump in just when I’m finding my niche?”

Before he could throw back a witty retort, Giles interrupted with “Buffy, I have to say that in this case, at least, I’m glad that Spiked happened to be with you.” Buffy stared at Giles with an open mouthed unbelieving expression. Giles then turned back to Spike and gave him a short appraising look. “Just how did you know what to do during an attack by a Shrell’nell, anyway? They’re quite rare and not very well documented.”

“Well,” began Spike, “it’s sorta residual knowledge from back in my fearsome foursome days. While traveling through India, Angelus and I happened to come upon one. It made a remark in passing that offended Peaches, and just for kicks, he decided that a bit of meaningless torture was overdue. Once he realized that Shrell’nells are tricky buggers when it comes to killing, it became more like a challenge for him. Couple of weeks later the demon was begging us to follow the order, or throw him in a fish tank. You don’t forget that kind of knowledge easily.”

“Well I suppose I’m regretting it a bit that I asked,” responded a slightly unnerved Giles, who was currently cleaning his glasses. He returned them to his nose, slipped the cloth back into his pocket, and began looking through the nearest stack of books.

“Wow, Spike, you should really start thinking about writing children’s books,” Buffy said with a disgusted look on her face.

“Yes, well as disturbing as that little story was, I think we should get back on topic. Buffy, as I said, Shrell’nells are quite rare and unusually strong. They won’t have just been passing through. I’m not sure what their motivation may have been for being here, but I definitely wouldn’t rule out the possibility of them being sent for you. It’s imperative that we begin looking into this straight away.”

“Well, that sounds like my exit cue,” Spike began, while slowly backing toward the door. “Now if you don’t mind, I think I’ll be headed – ”

“No,” Giles interrupted. “I think it would be best if you walked Buffy back to her home before returning to yours.”

“I don’t need a babysitter, Giles! I’m perfectly capable!” Buffy chimed in, her words beginning to take on a higher pitch.

“Don’t argue, Buffy. If there are this many Shrell’nells concentrated on the hell mouth at once, there’s no telling what else could be waiting for you. And since Spike has a more thorough knowledge of demons than you, he will accompany you home. I’ll call Willow first thing in the morning. We’ll all begin researching then.” On that final note, Giles nodded slightly to Spike, grabbed a few books and headed for his already cluttered desk.

Buffy had rarely seen her watcher so unnerved and excited. She knew that what he did was supposedly for the best, and since Spike had sort of saved her life a couple of times during the past few hours, she thought perhaps she could suffer through his company for a few minutes more. With another hard glare at the blonde vampire beside her, she threw a last glance at Giles, grabbed Spike by the sleeve and quickly exited the house, headed toward Revello Drive.

just saw this and had to jump in w/ the rest of the sheep... :)

Thu, 24 Jun 2004 00:02:14 GMT

1. Go to Google (or Yahoo) and type, "You know you're from (your state) when . . . "
2. Cut and paste the list
3. Bold the items that apply to you.

Lifted from sadbhyl, among others . . .

You Know You're From Indiana When...
author unknown

You've never met any celebrities.

Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

"Vacation" means driving through the Amanas or going to the State Fair.

You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.

You measure distance in minutes.

You know several people who have hit a deer.
including my cousin, and my mom has hit two...

You have no problem spelling or pronouncing "Terre Haute."

Your school classes were cancelled because of cold.

Your school classes were cancelled because of heat.

You know where all the Yoders live.

You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.

You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
like every day of the spring and fall

You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."

You know what's knee-high by the Fourth of July.

Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.

You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.

You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it no matter what time of the year.

You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example: "Where's my coat at?" or "Who are you gonna go with?"

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, or grain.
or in some cases a bridge...

De-tassling was your first job (that's de-tassling corn for you city folk).

Your idea of a really great tenderloin is when the meat is twice as big as the bun and accompanied only by ketchup and a dill pickle slice.

You say catty-wumpus and kitty-corner.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.
no, but I am very familiar with that jello; my mom makes it often

When asked how your trip was to any foreign, exotic place, you say, "It was different."

You consider being called a "Pork Queen" an honor.

You carry jumper cables in your car.
no, but i should...

You know what "cow tipping" is.
and have friends who claim to have done it

wow, that's a lot of bolded answers...
(btw, corn is knee high by the 4th of july) ;)

Wed, 23 Jun 2004 22:41:06 GMT

Ok, so really nothing of any importance has happened since I last wrote. I'm still interning, which basically means that I work 8 hours a day for no pay and all I do is sit around making phone calls and copying things. Researching properties at the county building also seems to be popular. :-P

I had a fun, brief encounter with a very cute boy from the county building at lunch last week. It was cute because we said hi and then noticed that we had brought the same book to read during lunch. He followed me to my table and spoke a little, then pulled out his book for the next 40 minutes. Then I said goodbye and left because lunch was over and he said bye and kept reading. I'm so bad at flirting that it really is pathetic. I still don't know that guy's name...

Saw him again today in the park at lunch time, but he was coming as Lauren and I were leaving.

I had (what I thought to be) and interesting idea for a Spuffy story the other day. I was reading Fray and wondered how Spike would like Mel. Then I thought, well there's kind of a version of her from "the wish" when killer instinct Buffy stole the stage. It'd be cool to see how and interaction b/w Spike and the "channeled" essence of hardass Buffy would play out. It would also be great in NC-17, which seems to be the only fics I read anymore, but I definitely know I wouldn't be able to write those for shit. I don't know anyone who writes that I could give the idea to, so I thought I'd try writing myself. Well, just as I though, I'm not very good, but what can I say? I never claimed to be a writer. If anyone writerish reads this and wants to steal my idea, go for it. I'd like to see it played out.

I might post the beginning to the story that I wrote out long hand in another post later. I mostly just wrote out a few scenes of intro to lead into the idea. We'll see.

my landlords are bastards

Sun, 13 Jun 2004 04:19:03 GMT

they have been working on the freaking basement forever. we moved in last august. originally, they told us that the basement (being converted from a 5th bedroom to a separate 1 bedroom apartment) would be finished by the time we moved in. Hell no. They still aren't done. It's ridiculous. They won't hire people to just get it finished, no, they have to do it themselves and spend 2 years on it. They constantly do construction, not starting on it until at least 8/9pm at night and sometimes working till midnight. Sometimes later. We've pointed out that it would be nice if they would mention when they'd be working so that if we needed to study, etc, we could maybe go elsewhere, like the library. We thought this was resonable, but they aparently just don't care. They've had parties at our house outside with 30+ relatives and never mentioned it to us.

What set me off tonight is that they've apparently been painting, and about a half hour ago i started smelling paint fumes. Jessi (a roommate) and I both have been getting horrible headaches and when I went down to ask how long they would be painting because fumes are coming upstairs (and believe it or not, before we moved in they did something with the windows and made sure none of the downstairs windows open), they looked at me like, "what nerve" and said that they were done quite a while ago. That doesn't change the fact that it's now 11pm and my bedroom and the living room are filled with paint fumes and there isn't a damn thing we can do about it. Hopefully I'll wake up in the morning, after sleeping in paint fumes all night. Stupid landlords and their high and mighty attitudes. They never fix anything, and if they do they wait around for weeks until the problem is so bad that it takes them days to fix it.

They came into my room a few weeks ago to put in a data port so that my computer cord wouldn't have to run through the dining room. Well, it was 9pm when they came and said they were doing it, and then they had to move all of my stuff around and i had to sit in the living room for 2 hours. After all of the hammering and shouting, i ended up with a hole in my wall with a couple of wires hanging though. It's still there with no signs of progress.

I think i'm gonna throw up from the fumes. It's time for bed.

Mon, 24 May 2004 05:14:22 GMT

so i haven't written in forever. not a lot going on i guess. grades were good this semester, so that's something to be happy about. the big news, i suppose, is that my best guy friend (probably in the whole wide world) informed me recently that his girlfriend is now his fiance and that the baby will be born octoberish. definitely a shocker, i really didn't see it coming. obviously an accident. i tried really hard to be all supportive friend and chipper mood, you know, "it's a good thing, you're gonna be a great dad" and all, and i really do think he'll be a great dad, but i can't help also having that, "but he's my friend/ first boyfriend, and you can't have him!" attitude. i know, i suck. but his band played again while i was home. they have a new singer, and he really is awesome.

i've spend a lot of my time at home with my family. it's nice to be around, but i'm starting to go crazy after two weeks.

on the internship front, i've been working at it since i got home and finally landed a job that will be totally awesome, or so it seems. i'm definitely excited, and i start this coming wednesday, which means i'll return to muncie tomorrow. i won't get paid, but hopefully i can get something once my 200 hours are up that i can keep through the school year. i haven't given up on studying abroad, but it's looking dim. i'm just hoping that by making some money i can get my parents on board.

AND NOW FOR SOME ANGEL SPOILERS. I'M TOO LAZY TO PUT ALL THE EFFORT INTO A CUT RIGHT NOW, SINCE I DON'T SPEND ANY TIME AT ALL MESSING WITH LJ, SO IF YOU DON'T WANT TO LOOK, CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED.

gotta say, i was definitely entertained. there wasn't a slow moment in the whole show. there were those moments, you know the ones, that mostly just have you cracking up. example, "I want you Lindsey," Spike reading poetry, the total destruction of the WRH offices during a big fight scene, to which i could just see the planning dialog, "It's over. Let's just destroy the whole damn office and capture it all on film. Maybe we can also take a few sledge hammers to it after we cut, just for kicks." Also, i liked that they sent spike in to get the baby, though i was yelling, "you can't fight with a baby!" and i really enjoyed the angel&conner at the coffee shop. I now absolutely loooove Wes/Illyria, maybe more so than wes/fred and i was a huge w/f shipper. i was really hoping that during the death scene wes might just want illyria to be herself. i hated lindsey's death, i was hoping that he would have been the only casualty (i was unspoiled) or that maybe just lorne leaving would have been enough. i don't think i could stand an angelverse w/o wes in it, damnit. and the ending was so very different from buffy's ending. basically a "sun comes out shining on a new future" vs. "possible death and destruction of the entire world leading to an epic apocalypse or maybe it'll end alright, we just don't wanna share." i think personally i would've liked a more solid ending, but it really did work for the series, so consider my applause given.

the click

Sun, 25 Apr 2004 19:24:13 GMT

i'm pretty sure no one reads my lj, so i'm going to post a bunch of tru calling spoilers w/o a cut.

so i had this revelation this morning. it's a shame that it couldn't be about something relevant to my academic life, but we take what we get. it was about the tv show "Tru Calling" that i watch. i finally saw last weeks episode today, in which at the very end they find out that Jack thinks that he's been reliving days. i figured that this was the deal ever since he came along, as i sure everyone else did. but even though i originally though he was going to be an alterego character to tru, now it might be different. after the big speech that jack gave to harrison about death coming anyway, it makes sense. so there was this suicidal girl that harrison saved, but then she got a mysterious call and killed herself anyway. it was obviously because of jack. well, maybe instead of wanting the girl dead, what he was really doing was trying to keep her dead because he thinks that that is the way it should be, and that you shouldn't mess with that. and this probably comes from the fact that jack himself came back to life because of modern medics, and he doesn't think that he should've lived. so maybe once he is told or finds out about tru's abilities, he can either become a big asset because he'll be reliving the days with her, or he'll become a big problem because he'll try to stop her at every turn and keep her from it. which wouldn't be good because she has enough trouble already.

and can i just say, i think i'm in love with davis. so cute. "great dungeon master" -look from tru, "did i really just say that out loud?" while shaking his head. awwww.

holy hell

Tue, 20 Apr 2004 01:18:59 GMT

cleveland didn't give me the job. they freakin blew me off for two weeks and then sent me an extremely short and snippy rejection email. my options are becoming limited.

and now for the real reason why i'm posting. it was just too awesome to pass on.

hell yeah baby!

Weird parents

Sun, 11 Apr 2004 05:19:24 GMT

so i have to wonder sometimes, what exactly motivates my parents' decisions? my cause for questions lies in their reaction to the study abroad program that i told them about today.

i went to this meeting friday where i found out that i could study in the netherlands (a far cry from muncie, IN let me tell ya). it would cost about the same for a semester there as for one at BSU, i'd still graduate on time, and i'd have this awesome experience. what do my parents say? absolutely not. i think it's becase they're so hung up on how much college actually costs. not that i blame them, it's quite a chunk of change. but they refuse to let me get loans because they don't want them hanging over my head. so when i said that i'd get a loan to pay for it, they said no, and then when i kept nagging, my dad threw back how i shouldn't complain because college is expensive and they can barely afford it anyway (but oddly, i'm still not allowed to get loans). which makes me wonder what the real reason is that i can't go.

i'm still going to see if i can get any aid through the school for study abroad students to maybe change their minds, but since i don't qualify for most financil aid, it's useless for me to fill out a FAFSA normally, which means that i already missed the recent deadline even if i could get aid.

it's a lot of bitching i'm putting down here, but i can't help but notice the catch-22 going on.

and wonder why i'm really not allowed to go...

*also a test to see if that html tag really works...

what's going on?

Fri, 09 Apr 2004 04:19:41 GMT

so i just heard the news that a 2nd year girl committed suicide in one of the campus dorms tonight. i don't wanna sound insensitive about it, so i'd hope that anything i'm about to say wouldn't be taken the wrong way. but what's up with that? this make 4 student deaths all in this past school year. the last student at Ball State that was killed was in 1999. ok, so technically only 2 of the 4 were killed, but still. this makes one shot by a campus cop (that's right, a rookie cop shot a drunk student who was staggering toward him), one that was killed by two muncie residents after offering to drive them home after a house party and was also robbed of $2, one who was killed while drunk driving over spring break, and the recent suicide. actually, there was a guy killed last year on spring break in florida due to some sort of water accident.

but back to the topic at hand. i'm sure that it's all gonna be blamed on alcohol, which just turns into terrorizing the student body, on and off campus. even though i don't drink, because i'm 21 i can be held accountable if i have too many people over some night. they're busting house parties left and right, and not even like most people will think. they're getting people for noise complaints, being able to actually see the party, but also stuff like a lot of cars out front means there must be a party or if the lights are on at 3 in the morning the cops will come knocking and start handing out citations.

i just hope that the girl who died tonight wasn't on a friend of mine's floor. i mean, she already had one attempted suicide on her floor a few months ago.

geez, Ball State is really starting to suck.

MIA

Mon, 05 Apr 2004 02:43:48 GMT

let's see, what's goin on... first off, i've given up on the mood. i was all excited at first, but now i'm not interested enough to fix it again. maybe someday.

i last wrote from spring break, and it's been two weeks since then. within that time i've:
*had the speaker event. went well, but not as well as i had hoped it would. but hey, i survived, right?
*wrote and assload of soc papers. small ones, but hey, i still had to do them.
*have taken two tests this week. another B in roman history, and lord knows in my facilities planning, because frankly, that test was evil. i'm serious, there was some meniacle laughing going on during the creation of that thing.
*cleaned the kitchen twice, dammit.
*got myself some new eye candy. talked to him very little, but it's always nice to have a new boy to smile at and get a smile back.
*saw hellboy. if you see any movie in the near future, make it this one.
*got some cute new shoes. you have to realized that i almost never shop. it was highly exciting.
*got an A on a project for my sustainable communities class. and since i *did* do 3/4 of the project, i think it was well deserved.
*cincinnati called back telling me that it's a go for the internship. the woman spoke to me briefly, then asked, "so are you originally from Cincinnati?" "no, i live in muncie, IN and am from brazil, IN originally" (which is clearly stated on my resume) "Oh, i'm sorry, one of the restrictions is that any intern must be from Cincinnati or attending a college in hamilton county" "well i attend Ball State in Muncie" (also clearly on my resume) "I'm sorry, we were so looking forward to having an intern. Well good luck on your search" God dammit, wtf?? did they even read my resume? Grr.. now cleveland is my only hope, and i'll be talking to them tomorrow. let's hope it goes well, or i'm back to square one on April 5, 2004 looking for a summer 2004 internhsip. >:(
*got some more books. and a healthy new ambition. though i don't harbor fantasies of ever becoming an author (cause of the whole no talent/experience thing), i've decided that the thing that would probably make me the happiest in life it to run my own bookstore. i have no experience in business, but i think i'm sensible and level headed and mathmatically intelligent enough to pull it off.. or at least to be able to hire the right people to take care of that shit. however, since i'm currently only 21 with no job and quite an investment on her parent's part to accomplish this college degree (that would have absolutely nothing to do with a bookstore in any form), i'm afraid that this dream will have to be put on hold for a few years. or at least until i can find a sugar daddy to support me. ;)

Other than that, i think i'm pretty tapped out for this entry. guess i'll go read my new books.

dammit

Tue, 16 Mar 2004 19:16:40 GMT

dammit!! now where did my mood pictures go??? i spent too much freakin time trying to make them work, and now they might be gone again???? grrrr.....

spring break

Mon, 15 Mar 2004 01:11:58 GMT

so spring break is in full swing, and boring as ever. but the family is nice to have around, if only for a week. we caught "the secret window" last night. good, yet you always have this nagging feeling of predictability. but no movie can be bad with johnny depp as a leading role.

later we had family game night... very interesting, expecially with all of the yelling and screaming. but hey, it's all done in fun, though i think my sis's bf was quite surprised.

so i have the feeling that this is gonna be a very boring break, but that's ok because as much as i'd like to deny it, i do have some school stuff to catch up on.

also, i got a really good response from cincinnati (back to the internship search) but it seems that if i worked for them i'd be doing high level work, but wouldn't be getting paid. i'll call tomorrow and see if they need me. if not, it's back to letter writing and hoping against hope. :(

an eventful night

Wed, 10 Mar 2004 04:41:25 GMT

well, first off, i really need to start checking my email before leaving for class. for the second time in the past week, my class was cancelled but i wasn't aware until i got there after a 15 minute walk. and the sucky part is that it's 32 degrees outside. so that sucked.

other than that, it was a pretty boring day. little reading, little procrastination. my parents showed up this evening so that we could go catch "Bowfire" at emens. we went and got dinner at texas roadhouse first, and dede came along. and man did we have sucky service.

bowfire was awesome though. i could see myself buying that music. what i really wanted to do, though, was learn how to be a kick ass violinist like the performers. of course, i'd like to be kick ass at almost any instrument, but it's never gonna happen. i guess i just don't have the disipline. also, almost all of my free time i dedicate to reading fic or books that i've bought, so i kinda don't get around to the musical stuff. i think that i would, however, if i didn't have to worry about people hearing me practice. call me modest, but i absolutly hate it when people hear me practice. it's why i never got very good at piano. i'm still kinda amature/intermediate. but now it's homework time.

and also, it's interesting that spring break is only 3 school days away. damn did that sneak up.

why is it so friggin cold?

Mon, 08 Mar 2004 04:04:53 GMT

Another wasted day. I slept in, watched a movie (inventing the abbots, ok overall, but the ending was too abrupt), got some steak'n'shake w/mel because i was seriously craving it for some reason, and wasted the rest of the day cleaning and reading.

I guess monica's having a bad semester, so we headed out to mt cup to hang for a while. she's having pretty much the same negativity depression that i am. It all comes down to papers needing to be written, assignments that are so lame that they can only be started an hour before class (and still result in high marks), and in my case the ever lingering internship aquiring and speaker event planning.

the one you haven't heard of is the speaker event. so i have this guy that i want to come and speak. he's a train (as in cho-cho) guy. i found a guy to oppose him so that we have a debate. the problem is that i need to talk to my department head and get the date finalized, but he went to philly this past week, so i wasn't able to get back to my speakers. and the classes that last until 5 (after working hours) don't help. so i just feel like i'm dicking everyone around (thought not trying to) and that they're all just gonna be pissed at me in the end. i just want to give up now, but the ball's already rolling, so i guess i'll just take the punishment as it comes. :(

Hmm...

Sun, 07 Mar 2004 08:52:08 GMT

I dabbled a bit with the layout, trying to spiff up the html, butit would take more time that I want to give it right now, so maybe I can mess with that later, probably by using the more inefficient method of a picture background. we'll see.

And so ends the day.

Maybe I can get some more cover letters written tomorrow. The story behind that is that due to my major, I have to do an internship this summer, and it's all up to me to get one. So it's a very cool thing, and I'm totally looking forward to it, except for the fact that I screwed around and took forever to start sending out letters (becasue rejection terrifies me i suppose) and now I'm still in transition, a few months later than i should be in my opinion. It sucks to have standards for yourself, and then not meet them, and then have to feel guilty all of the time because you don't even meet your own expectations.

But now it's time for bed, yeah at 4am.